Reference

            I have a friend who has been doing charcoal drawings of famous rock stars for an art class. Another friend and I interrupted him this past Sunday and as I watched him study his reference picture and then look back to his own drawing debating on where and how to pick back up, I thought to myself, “this is just like my life”.

With this in mind I opened my One Year Bible to read today’s designated scriptures and May 7^th started with 1 Samuel 1:1 – 2:21. It is the story of Hannah. I love Hannah. I love her heart and her story. I relate to her in that sometimes I look at others and see all that they have and it reminds me of what I don’t. Hannah was unable to have children while her husbands other wife had multiple children. When Hannah starts displaying physical signs of her hearts sadness her husband ask her, “Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?”

Recently I moved and quit a job and the result feels like I have been interrupted in mid stroke. Life has changed from constantly scheduled and limited free time, to a time period where I have the availability and freedom to do what ever I want and it has born in me questions of what it is that I really do want. So with the endless opportunity and the time also comes the attack of the devil as he plants thoughts of insecurities and failure and the feeling that I need more time, talent, or tools. Maybe even a different picture all together. I have even found myself guilty of looking on others in envy and jealousy.

Just like Hannah’s husband, Christ is asking me “Am I not more to you…?” The answer is yes and that realization helps me understand that my comparisons do nothing but steal my joy and undermine the value of all that has been granted to me. He is enough and He has provided me everything I need for today.

I want the final picture to be as perfect as possible. I look and I see where I have been and how each previous mark and stroke has combined to make me who I am, where I am, and how I am. I would like to continue that pattern. I would like to fill this time with moments and opportunities that will be an extension and addition to the groundwork laid before. I don’t want to go over or erase. I want to pick up where I left off and the only way I know to do this is to intently study my reference picture. To hide the word of God in my heart and allow my mind to dwell longingly on the Lord’s statutes so that the construction of my life will be in harmony and imitation with the picture God has left me in His word. And somehow I have the feeling that the more I study and begin to know by heart the reference picture, the next step I should take will become crystal clear.