It is a strange thing to find your self followed. Most people would not welcome the idea and relate the term pursued to a high-speed police chase. God, however, makes being pursued feel like the surest sign of love.
This past week as I trudged through my school to work routine I struggled through my walk with the Lord knowing that while I was doing all that needed to be done (praying, reading, thinking on Him) my spirit was still downcast and weary. I felt like my conversations were one sided. Have you ever seen a couple out to dinner and the girl is talking and from a far she seems earnest in whatever ever she is telling, but as you glance at her partner he is far less interested in listening to her than playing on his cell phone or inhaling his food? (I know the situation goes both ways but for all intensive purposes) I hate to admit it but this is how, in my heart, I felt like my conversation with the Lord was going this past week. I felt like I was earnestly seeking him out with important matters as he passively listened.
My week flowed into the weekend seamlessly and through fellowship with friends I found my soul feeling a bit lighter, but as I laid myself down Saturday night whatever was anchoring me was still there. Sunday morning dawned and I received, bringing me out of my slumber, two what I assume to have been mass text messages from our Youth/College minister with a reminder about a new Young Adult Sunday School class. I think I must have rolled my eyes mentally before I closed my lids as I stayed in bed and weighed my options. I ultimately decided to drag myself up and attend the class not so much out of excitement or curiosity for the class as much as just to be able to say I went. I seriously, even if I hate to admit it now, was thinking I would go a couple times and it would be okay and then slowly I could return to my pattern of just attending worship services.
I arrived to the class and through the first bit I was still skeptical, but something happened and I am not even sure when it started. I don’t know if it was after hearing our teacher speak of her own walk or through reading the first set of scriptures out of a one year Bible. All I know is I started to feel heard. One of the passages was from Isaiah and it read:
“Remember these things,
O Jacob, and Israel, for you are my servant;
I formed you; you are my servant;
O Israel, you will not be forgotten by me.”
I felt myself tearing up as our teacher talked about her candidness with God and I realized that through the past week as I felt forgotten and ignored I not once went to God with how I was feeling. I instead put on my smile and while the Holy Spirit nudged me with questions of “what is wrong” I staunchly replied with a stale “nothing”. I was taking everything to the Lord except my heart because I had forgotten that where I see no way He makes a way. I wanted answers and He just called me to have faith and trust in Him. I was mistaking his silence as indifference and in my misunderstanding I was bracing myself to be let down.
I was not let down but instead reminded of my foundation. (Isaiah 44:24) He reminded me of who He is and who I am not. (Isaiah 45:9) He knows the way and I am not called to know the way but to walk it in faith. I thought I had my mind made up about the new class and new teacher. God had other plans and instead revealed to me my heart and opened my eyes to see what I believe is a class and teacher I can relate to purposely placed in my life. In the process of revealing to me all these things I was and am still astounded with His love for me. His patience in pursuing my heart each and every time I throw up my guard bewilders me. He is committed to pursuing me not because of anything I have done, but because of who He is. Faithful. His pursuit assures me that I am not forgotten, but I am undoubtedly His.
