A Lot of Gray

I remember I remember a while ago

You asked and I answered I don’t know

If I could I’d bring those words back home

Swallow my pride go back that night

And I’d let you know

I want to let go

But I’m holding on for you.

Colors have their various shades

Love isn’t suppose to be that way

Black or white yes or no

I know that’s what everyone will say

But from where I’m standing

I see a lot of gray

Twenty years twenty years is so long

One heart closed and one heart exposed

Both tied, and of one mind, neither had chose

If they finally figure out what it’s all about

They’d let you know

I want to hold on

But I’m letting go for you.

Colors have their various shades

Love isn’t suppose to be that way

Black or white yes or no

I know that’s what everyone will say

But from where I’m standing

I see a lot of gray

writer's block and other assorted thoughts.

I have writer’s block and it’s driving me crazy. I feel like a musician with a broken instrument. I’ve heard that the only way around writer’s block is to just write anyways. The problem with that is I always start and then it ends up crumpled on the floor … or more specifically backspaced into oblivion. I find that in times of unrest is when I get writer’s block the most and my life has been in a state of unrest. The winds of change are here and I’m not so sure I am ready for all of it. What I do know is Christ has worked through the unrest to show me peace. He is my rock as the floodwaters rise. He has also showed me a lot about who I am and who I am not. And with that I would just like to share my heart and where it stands.

For one: I am His. --- I feel a great comfort in knowing that if all else fails, if all my relationships cease to be I am still His. That is a constant truth that no power of hell or man can take from me. I am so thankful for this promise.

Second: I will always fail if I try to be anyone else but myself --- God has equipped me with the ability and talents to accomplish the tasks he has assigned me for His glory. It is not at all about what I can do but it is most definitely about who God is.

If I lust and covet in my heart gifts or talents that aren’t mine I am ultimately turning my nose up to the one’s He has already given me. By the grace of God I am what I am. --- and I am learning to be so glad for that

I could go on but Third and last: People are only people --- I find that it is easy to look at a brother or sister in Christ and see them do harm or wrong us and become angry because “they should know better”. The problem is that we forget that just as we were saved by grace through faith so was that other person. They too are fallible just as we are fallible. Just because we cannot see the cracks in the cistern does not mean they’re not there. If we are foolish enough to try and pour everything we are into another person, a broken cistern, we will be doing so in vain. Only Christ can hold the weight. We should pour everything we are in Christ and remember His blood covers not only our sins but also the sins of our brothers and sisters.

As I look at the changes that await me I feel like He has prepared me for what is to come. I hope that these truths will not simply be recognized without being applied accordingly in my life and that through their application He would receive praise and glory. I know that without the unrest I would not appreciate His peace as much as I do now. Which brings me back to writer’s block. I am thankful for it too. Even though it drives me crazy it reminds me that this is not who I am but what I do. To be grateful and mindful at the same time that it is only a tool  by which God speaks and if I am not listening to Him first then I ultimately have very little to say. 

Our Circle Will Be Unbroken

Our circle will be unbroken

Two ends lost will finally meet

And we’ll hold on to the arch till

By grace joined we’ll be

We’ll be joined by grace we’ll be

The living and the dying

Both tread to stay afloat

Each to their own side they cling to

What they knew and what they’ve known

The sun rises just to fall down

And breath watches the grave

For the time when it can lay down

Be at peace and slow it’s pace

Our circle will be unbroken

Two ends lost will finally meet

And we’ll hold on to the arch till

By grace joined we’ll be

We’ll be joined by grace we’ll be

The sky’s set to roll back

A time of gathering has come

You on your side by me and my side

No more sea to part our shores

Our circle will be unbroken

Two ends lost will finally meet

And we’ll hold on to the arch till

By grace joined we’ll be

We’ll be joined by grace we’ll be