My God has blessed me with some
friends who really know my heart well. We in many ways are kindred spirits. So
it comes as no surprise to me that when I decided to start calling the moments
in my life, where I suddenly long for a love of my own, “The Struggle” one of
my very best friends immediately agreed and knew exactly what I meant.
While The Struggle seems so
personal and unique to me in my heart, I know that at my age and amongst my
friends it is certainly not quarantined to one person. It is more of an
epidemic that has greatly infected our age bracket. I don’t commonly share
these thoughts and feelings to everyone. In fact, if this were in person I
would fumble for words and dodge the issue out of insecurity or embarrassment.
But this needs to be said because we are all walking around ill just waiting
for the destructive moment in which our ailment will be brought to light. The
moment where we will hurt others or ourselves out of desire to fill a need. (Walking
Dead reference: Everyone is infected and one fatal mistake will reveal
outwardly what has been within us this whole time)
The Struggle affects our mind,
body, and soul and the pressure to immediately fill the need will cause us many
times to make poor choices and settle for being treated far less than what God
wants for us. We feel the pinprick in our soul for intimacy and we settle for
the physical or we fail to guard our hearts. We feel the pinprick in our mind to
be heard and known and we talk about each other and ourselves with no filter,
no love, and with no discretion. We feel the pinprick on our skin to be touched
and to just feel another person and we use each other or allow ourselves to be
used.
Most of us
are just trying to survive and we all attack The Struggle differently. Some of
us face The Struggle alone. We don’t talk about it and we may even pretend it’s
not there as we jump around from person to person or use our friends to fill
the voids in our heart. Some of us are so consumed by The Struggle that our
focus cannot be shifted to Gods plan, people, or purpose. We have tunnel
vision, but knowing the greater purpose and life beyond the tunnel would be far
more satisfying. And then some of us travel in packs. We face the struggle
together trying to help, protect, and guard each other but sometimes this leads
to a dependence on the created rather than the creator.
For me The
Struggle comes and it goes. I feel it rising inside of me and I have to brace
myself and remind myself who God is to me, in me, and through me. What He has
done and what He will do. That He is sufficient and He is satisfying. I try to
completely cover myself in who Jesus is and submerse myself into His deep love. He is the source and if I want love I want the source of
love. I do not want to settle for something or someone whose love does not lead
me back to Jesus. And in the moments that I choose something other than the
above I put the full weight of my expectations and needs on the people around
me. People who were not made to and who cannot carry that load. The only
comfort and support to be found in The Struggle is in Jesus. The One who has
overcome. The God we were created for and the only Love that will fully satisfy.
I am
thankful for a Savior that in every way was tempted and tried and had victory
over it all. In this I am reminded that there is hope and victory in Jesus. He
has overcome. He is before all things and to Him are all things.
Let me
leave you with this. I know that winter is coming and with it the blues and the
longing for someone to spend the upcoming special holidays with. But guard your
heart and your mind so that you will not be hurt or hurt anyone else. After all
the kind of love your heart is really longing for is freely given by a
beautiful and relentless God. Song of Solomon 8:6-7 says,
“Set me as a seal upon your
heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce
as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD. Many
waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for
love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.”
