April has been one of personal reflection. At the beginning of the month I wanted to end everyday with one thought and tweet it. Turns out reflecting on what that specific day has taught you, is easier said than done. One reason is if you want the thought to be real and honest and not sound manufactured, it requires you to be just that, honest. Sometimes being honest with others is hard because when we our honest with ourselves we don’t like what find. This dive into self-reflection has led me to realize that I need to concede two things.
My First is to Taylor Swift.
You are a beautiful and talented person. I have often over the last couple of years been very critical and unfairly biased to any mention of your name but I have come to realize that it was not you that I was uncomfortable with. It was myself. You sing of fairy tales, true love that last, and sugar and spice and people not nice. You are so girly and emotion filled. When I was younger I was told to “not wear my feelings on my shoulders” and through the years have developed a cynicism to things or people I deemed unrealistic, all the while harboring this girly girl person deep inside that still loves and cherishes The Little Mermaid and writes poetry about love and loss. How hypocritical and for what purpose? So I can seem more mature, realistic, or deep. Dumb. The only thing I am doing is missing out on good songs and replacing a spirit of innocence and aspiration with pride and superiority. You can be mature and deep and grown up and you can like happy endings and Taylor Swift. I know I do.
My Second is to Change.
Change and I quite frankly have had a love-hate relationship as of late. I get bored easily. I have a spirit of wanderlust and revelry, however, I also steer clear from changes I can’t control or thoroughly plan out. If the fog of change is too dense to see through to the endpoint, I dig my heels in and balk at the idea of walking through it. All the while with God putting both hands on my back and pushing me through as dirt builds up at my stubborn unmoving feet. I don’t know why I put up such a resistance when in the end I still end up on the other side of the change-fog and the only damage done is dirt residue and exhaustion from the struggle. Would it not be a lot easier to reach up and take God’s hand as he leads me through the fog? If the destination is the same, I would much rather arrive clean and at peace.
There are many more things the Lord has shown me as of late, but space and time restraints as well as discernment have led me to only share these two. And so here I am at the end of April with a couple of insights and self-realizations and wondering what’s next. Since I’m not sure, I think I’ll just jump in the car turn on some T-Swift and see where change takes me.
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